Day 24 and I'm not really trying this week...

This is a quick one today, I have actual paid work to finish which I must crack on with, but I wanted to check in and update my progress, or rather lack of.

There is a self-hijack button somewhere in my head, which has a tendency to go off whenever I get ahead in anything, and this weight-loss thing is no exception. Having reached 70kgs last week, and the euphoria which accompanied this, I've managed to avoid sticking to my regime for the past several days and I'm trying not to think about my weight.

I'm  not making excuses - honestly I'm not - but I am premenstrual which does tend to tip me into irrational territory, as well as the fact that I'm flying down to Perth tomorrow to put my eldest child into boarding school for the first time, something which fills me with complete terror, guilt and worry.

So the upshot is, I have no progress to report other than the health-plan is sort of on hold until Monday when I'm back home, less one child.

To compensate with lack of content here, I'm going to cheat and add another recipe. It is for kale crisps which, let's face it doesn't come close to replacing Kettle crisps or Doritos, but sort of satisfies the cravings a little. You can actually buy these from the supermarket for a ridiculously exhorbitant cost; much cheaper to buy a bunch of kale and make them yourself. Plus they're super easy to make.

Kale Chips/Crisps

Ingredients

bunch of kale

olive oil

flavourings - salt/paprika/chilli/cumin...whatever you like

What to do:   

• Remove kale leaves from stalks, then tear them into bite-size pieces.
• Toss leaves in a bowl with the oil and flavouring
• place on a baking tray and stick in the oven (180 degrees) for 10-15 minutes until crispy)

Day 20 and why giving up meat is good for your diet...

I mentioned on day one that I had recently given up eating meat. I won't say I'm vegetarian since I still eat fish - not sure what the correct term for that is, vegefisharian? - but I've found this change to my diet has been extremely helpful in my pursuit of a slimmer, healthier me.

I've noticed that excluding an entire food group is a very good way for you to focus on what you do eat, and can make you far more discerning about your food choices.

It also makes you creative; there's nothing easier than throwing a steak on the barbie or stir-frying some chicken breasts, but when you are making a main meal out of vegetables you really need to use your imagination a bit.

Another upside is that you won't find yourself picking at kids' chicken nuggets when they come out of the oven, or stuffing half a sausage roll in your mouth while you clear their plates.

I promise I won't turn this blog into a food blog, but I simply had to share a recipe I tried out last night - again from Sarah Wilson's 'I Quit Sugar',  which is a wonderful source of low-carb recipes and helpful tips to reduce your sugar intake.

This recipe is substantial enough to work as a main course, served with a nice salad, and even DH was begging for more - more zucchini cheesecake I mean...

Zucchini (or courgette) Cheesecake

This is simply delish!

Ingredients

coconut oil/ghee/butter/oil for greasing

2 large zucchini (or in English, courgettes)

550g ricotta (I couldn't get any so used mascarpone)

3/4 cup parmesan (again, couldn't get this -darn living in the outback - but cheddar will do)

2 green shallots, chopped (I used onions)

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1/4 cup chopped dill (I used a tsp on dried)

zest of 1 lemon

2 large eggs, beaten

1/2 cup crumbled feta

What to do:

• grease a baking dish and preheat oven to 170 degrees
• grate the zucchini (if you have a shredding disc on your food blender, use that, or if like me you don't, you'll be stuck doing it manually which is laborious but worth it). Sprinkle the grated zucchini with salt and leave for 15 minutes before draining as much moisture as possible from it.
• mix the ricotta, parmesan, shallots, garlic, dill, lemon and eggs together
• add the zucchini
• pour into baking dish and bake for an hour. Remove from oven and crumble feta over the top, before returning to the oven for 25 minutes. 
• allow to cool for a few minutes
• dig in!

                     

Day 19, a small victory and a carb-free recipe...

Dear reader, it is my proud duty to bring you good tidings this dazzlingly bright Pilbara morning, and it is this: This diet-hating bookworm has dipped to the dizzy low of 70kgs. Yes, 19 days ago I was 75kgs but let's dispense with silly kgs because quite honestly I don't really understand them. 19 days ago I was a thundering 11 stone 11 lbs and this morning I am 11 stone. That is pretty impressive and just goes to show that paying attention to what you eat, making an effort to exercise and ditching the mid-week wine can make a huge impact on your weight.

To celebrate, I'm going to share a recipe from Sarah Wilson's brilliant 'I Quit Sugar'. Don't be put off by the title, it's a really inspirational book and contains the basic science surrounding sugar and the western world's growing dependence on it, as well as tons of sugar-free recipes.

The truth about sugar...

It turns out that the demonising of fat that went on 20 or 30 years ago, as well as the deluge of fat-free products which became mainstream in its wake, was a false message. The sugar was the real demon, and as products were rendered tasteless by removing the fat from them, sugar was added to make them more palatable. If you take a jar of normal mayonnaise and compare the sugar to a jar of low-fat mayonnaise, chances are there is far more sugar in the fat-free one. Result: the western world is now dependent on sugar and fatter then ever!

It's a sobering thought that sugar is pretty much added to everything we buy these days, from bread to pasta sauce, and if you want to avoid it you have reassess your entire lifestyle and learn to cook - and fast!

This recipe is particularly tasty, easy to make and a nice treat for a lazy Saturday morning breakfast, with not a scrap of sugar in it!

                         

Bacon & Egg Cupcakes

Ingredients

Coconut oil or ghee for greasing (I use whatever I've got - butter, olive oil...)

6 rashers bacon

6 eggs

crumbled feta (optional)

chopped chives or any other green herb (optional)

What to do: Preheat the oven to 200 degrees and lightly grease a 6 cup muffin tray. Use the bacon rashers to line each cup and then place in the oven for five minutes or so. Remove from oven and crack each egg into each cup and sprinkle the cheese and herbs on top. Bake for 15 minutes then remove,  allowing them to sit for a moment before removing from tray.

As an alternative use smoked salmon instead of bacon, or you could use a broccoli floret and whisk the eggs and pour onto the broccoli.

Yum and not a carb in sight!

To find out more about Sarah Wilson's book, go here - www.sarahwilson.com.au

Day 18 and a change of tack...

So my weight has remained stubbornly hovering between 71 and 72kgs and I'm a bit peeved to be honest.

My diet is blameless: I eat two or three times a day only and this is made up largely of spinach, baked fish, poached eggs, very small amounts of grains such as quinoa or freekeh and tons of salad leaves.

I ate one small chocolate biscuit wafer the other night and I don't even know why - I don't have a sweet tooth. I think I was just feeling rebellious.

I've been doing two Jillian Michaels workouts a day: level one on my own in the mornings (albeit with lots of children milling around), and level two in the evenings with DH after our evening walk.

I've kept wine to weekends (with the odd slip-up on a Thursday, but considering the above this is a small crime overall).

And so, I've decided that while Jillian might be making all sorts of amazing things happen under my skin and in my muscles, she's not doing a whole lot to make me smaller, so I'm going to change direction a little.

And the solution is my old friend, ballet.

I felt as ridiculous as this!

I started ballet classes in my early twenties and it kept me slim and able to spend enormous amounts of time out clubbing, drinking and generally carousing, without ever getting fat. I loved it although pirouhettes on a Saturday morning after a big night out can be tricky.

And apart from the time in my 30s - having just moved to a new city - I rocked up to a so-called 'adult' ballet class, and was subjected to an hour long lesson surrounded by giggling 12-year-olds, (the teacher said the adults would 'be here soon'...they never arrived) I've never had a bad experience in a ballet class. (I'm cringing just writing the above - oh the humiliation of trying to keep up with a bunch of lithe, pubescent girls!)

After baby number four I was topping the scales at 78kgs and decided to go back to ballet, within six months, without any other alteration to my life, I had lost roughly 10kgs. So it definitely works.

I've done the New York City Ballet Workout (see below) many times - I have the book and DVD - but it can be a little tough going for a beginner, but this morning I happened upon Tiffany Rothe workouts, which are short and easy to follow. They focus on a different part of the body each time, so you can pick and choose. God I love YouTube - it makes living in the middle of nowhere bearable!

The thing to remember about ballet is that, unlike our friend Jillian's frenetic workouts, the exercises may seem rather low impact. But similar to Pilates, what they do is strengthen and stretch the muscles to create a toned and slender body. You don't see many female ballet dancers with hulking great muscles now, do you?

So yes I will continue with the hateful level 2 workout with DH in the evenings, but my new daytime regime will consist of gentle plies, tendus and ronde de jambes. Let's see if it makes a difference...

And if you're up for a challenge...try this!

Day 16 and another word on workout wear. And a soup recipe...

Apropos of yesterday's post, I just HAD to post this photo I came across in The Times this morning. It accompanies - ironically enough - an article about workout wear and features the photograph below, from the new collection by Stella McCartney for Adidas. And I can't detect a hint of irony when the journalist writes: 'Happily, brands such as Stella McCartney for adidas have helped shift the perception that all women are pink-lovin' Barbies and subtler hues now abound.'

Really, is pink really so bad that this is a suitable alternative? I'd rather look like Barbie than a deranged angler any day...

Rain-mac and fishnets anyone?

But I guess as long we have super rich people, we'll also have ridiculous clothing to assuage their need for over-priced crap and the Emperor's New Clothes will always be a relevant and cautionary tale...

Names! Names! Names!

Anyway, today I've come over all Nigella-esque, and have decided to include one of my favourite recipes in this blog. Being a soup recipe, it's not exactly rocket science, but for me soup is a magical food that at once fills you with warmth, scatiety and comfort, while delivering very little in the way of calories. This combination for me is a winner.

And so, here's my recipe for - Warm and Spicy Pumpkin Soup

(disclaimer: I'm not big on measuring stuff, preferring to use my own judgement, which is why I struggled a little with the measurements below - if you feel you need more or less, go with your instinct)

I stole this picture off the internet because I didn't bother to take one of my own...but I promise, it looks exactly like this!

Ingredients: 

Half a pumkin - any kind (you could use parsnips, carrots, swede also, but I find pumpkin easier to prepare and tastier)

1 x onion

1 x tsp of garlic (or more...I use more but then I like strong flavours)

quarter of a teaspoon of crushed ginger

1 x tsp of cumin

1 x tsp of coriander

1 tbsp of Vegetable Stock (I use Vegeta gourmet stock)

2 x tsp of lime juice

Cream (optional)

Chili powder/pepper to taste

What to do

This is a really easy recipe and once the pumpkin has cooked takes me just minutes to prepare.

You could go through the arduous task of peeling and and slicing the pumpkin and then boiling it, but I simple cut it in half, scoop out the seeds, and place it on a baking tray and stick it in the oven until it's done. I cover it with tinfoil to stop the top burning. It can take at least half an hour to cook - maybe more...

Don't do the next step until the pumpkin is cooked - prod it with a knife to see if it's soft.

Chop the onions any old way (it won't matter, you'll be blending this), and toss them in the soup pot with a little oil, garlic and spices. 

Remove the pumkin from the tray and place it on a plate or chopping board (or something..) and simply scoop out the filling - which is by now nice and soft - until all that's left is the skin.

Toss the pumpkin flesh into the pan with the onion and spices and let it sizzle for a minute or two.

Pour in the stock (which you've made up with water...basically fill the pot to three quarters of the way up) and let it all simmer for a few minutes.

Add the lime juice.

Blend the whole lot together. (I use an electronic hand blender, it's so much handier since you can blend it all right there in the pot without all that messing around with stand alone blenders).

When it's all smooth, taste it to see if it needs salt/chili/lime juice (which I like to use to add a little zing).

For DH I mix in some cream as I serve it, it makes it taste a little richer. For me, oh goddess of the diet, I do without! (You could add greek yoghurt, but it tends to clump once it hits the hot soup, so you'd need to give it a little whiz with the blender...it's just too much trouble for me...)

Sprinkle with a green herb - coriander, chives, parsley - anything, it will just make it look prettier...

This is delish, healthy, full of nutrients, and can do for lunch and dinner without a hint of guilt. You can even spoil yourself with a slice of bread for dipping if you're feeling really naughty!

Now, where's my cook-book deal?

Day 15 and a word about workout gear...

I got the seven-year-old to take a photo of me this morning, in order to compare with the dismal photo posted on day one of this challenge. But I refuse to share it with you since I haven't changed in the slightest. No, despite the swimming and the sweat-inducing workouts, the austere diet and the week-day alcohol-ban, I look EXACTLY the bloody same, just a bit sadder.

But I won't be put off, I know there is no way my body can be experiencing all this health and well-being without benefiting in some way, even if it's not exactly showing yet, so I shall soldier on.

This morning, as I prepared myself for my morning workout with Jillian, I realised I couldn't find my workout pants. I need to point out that the laundry room is basically a giant mountain of clothes which are sometimes tossed into the washing machine, washed, hung up to dry, then thrown into the cupboard where they remain until someone pulls them all down on to the floor while looking for something else, which sees them rejoining the mountain of washing and going through the entire process again. A bit like Buddhism for clothing (don't analyse that analogy too closely).

In short, it is impossible to find anything in there and I was forced to continue on with the workout in my nightie, plus a bra for safety reasons.

'So what?' I reasoned, 'workout clothing is just another way to get people to spend money - you can really workout in any loose clothing - a nightie will be JUST FINE!'

As I began the jumping jacks I suddenly realised the reason we have tight-fitting, lycra leggings for this sort of thing. The only way to describe the noise is to imagine the sound that two sea lions might make while having sex. SUSLAP! FUFLAP! CUCLAP!  as my thighs beat each other into submission to the beat of the music.

I sounded like humping sea lions...

'What's that sound mummy?' asked the passing nine-year-old. 'Oh, oh nothing...erm...' I muttered before pressing the pause button and going in search of something suitable from the washing pile.

But I must admit I do like to shop, and the best part of starting a new hobby or activity is shopping for the gear.

Before I had babies, I once decided to start flamenco dance classes and spent a pleasant afternoon buying the shoes, a long skirt and a CD of flamenco music to practice to. I looked forward to discovering my inner Latina, to unleash the JLo from within. Tragically my flamenco career was short-lived; one lesson of clattering about behind the rest of the class, trying to stomp to the off-beats, left me hot and humiliated - especially since Esperanza the instructor insisted on pointing out my mistakes to the rest of the (incredibly experienced) class. An hour later I skulked out of there, never to return.

I've always promised myself I'd one day give flamenco another try, and those shoes have followed me half way around the world, and are currently sitting despondently at the bottom of my wardrobe...

But the fact remains, it's time to go out and buy some proper gear, my one pair of K-Mart sweat pants just won't cut it I'm afraid. I need gear designed to hold in the flab so that it doesn't attack me while I'm working out. And it helps if it's a little attractive and feminine - hey anything helps when you're flat on your back, sweating like a pig, trying to keep up with the DVD while your family step over you on the way to the fridge.

I wonder if Sweaty Betty deliver to Australia...?

Day 14 and 'help!' my enthusiasm is waning...

I'm two weeks into this experiment now and have hit that stage where I'm a little bored of it. My weight is stubbornly stuck at 72kgs and I can't help but feel that losing anything further is impossible. I haven't exercised in three days, slumped on the sofa all weekend watching movies, and am generally feeling crappy and dispirited and in need of an injection of enthusiasm for this process.

Found this on Pinterest...it's not really helping...

I think part of the problem is my overall approach to this process is a little vague. Although I would never join something like Weight Watchers, I can totally see why they work. Ditto specific diets - Paleo, 5:2 etc.. because they provide you with something to focus on. But because food is not my focus, I'm struggling to find something that I can focus on.

After I post this I am going to take my measurements and keep track of them each week. I'm well aware that weight can fluctuate up and down due to time of month, water retention etc. so it's more useful to assess the centimetres.

I'm also sticking a photo of me in a swimsuit - taken four years ago - looking much smaller than I do today, in the hope that it will encourage me a little.

If you have any other suggestions or ideas to spark some enthusiasm, please post them below, I need all the help I can get!

For now, I'm going to climb back up onto that wagon, put Jillian Michaels on the laptop and force this body to burn some calories...

Day 10 and 'drinking; a love story'....

So the scales went up a little this morning, which only served to remind me that you DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF EVERY DAY!! I should know this by now, but the thrill of the scale going down a little can make your day. Conversely, should it stray in the opposite direction it's enough to make you feel like sinking down at the door of the fridge and stuffing yourself with cheesecake. Or, if you're me, grabbing a box of cheap wine and taking to the bed with a copy of 'The Illuminati: Facts and Fiction'.

Which brings me to today's topic. Drinking. It has to be addressed I think.

Let's get it out the way. I love drinking - I loved it from the very first time I tried it. For me it turns up the colour of life to 10,  it fills me with happiness and love for all, it transforms the dullest night into a festival of rainbows and fireworks. It's transformative. It's magic. Or as Caitlin Moran puts it - you're now 'boarding the sky-sailing pirate ship to whiskey Valhalla.'

DH likes a drink too, but in a different way to me. He'll say of a night, 'I think I'll have a beer or two tonight' and then goes on to do just that - has a beer or two. Then he goes to bed content, the drinking is over.

Dude where's my wine?

I don't understand this type of drinking. I honestly can't see the point.

For me, having a drink is a gateway into a parallel universe, where everything oozes with potential, the night brimming with promises. With alcohol I can happily watch a three hour documentary on helicopters and manage to find it interesting. The kitchen becomes party central, the dullest person in the world becomes a fascinating project for me to fix. As one of my oldest friends from school once put it: 'all my friends might have left the pub, leaving me with the saddest, oldest drunk in town, and I'll still stay for another drink'. There is a reason we were friends.

This is also the friend who introduced me to the 'three drink rule' whereby if you stray beyond the second drink and onto the third, all is lost for the night since reason has now beat a hasty retreat, and the party is on. And it's not uncommon for DH to walk into the kitchen at midnight and discover me pulling everything out of the cupboard, looking for an old photo album while yelling into the phone 'I've got to find that photograph - wait, wait, I think I have it!' 'What are you doing?' he'll ask, 'It's only Tuesday!'

Frequently, on a Friday or Saturday night, DH will grumble, 'there's feck all to do tonight, wish we could go out', and I'll be genuinely confused by his comment. There's wine in the house isn't there? What's the problem? The night is our oyster! - who knows where it might lead? The alcoholic carte blanche that the weekend presents offers a cornucopia of opportunities; from singing a karaoke version of 'Cool for Cats' by Squeeze on the kitchen table, to heated discussions about the death penalty for apostasy in Islam. It can mean long, drunken phone calls home to my brother in Ireland to complain about the Australian government's obsession with immigrants, or plans about how we're going to open a bijou guest-house opposite the seafront in Kinvara whenever we manage to actually save some money.

Of course there are times when drinking is not my friend, when reason flies out the window. Like the New Year's eve party I hosted in Al Ain, which saw me kneeling at the ipod player for two hours, obsessively searching for a Michael Buble song which I didn't even have on download  (I was asleep by 11pm and missed the whole party), or the time I sent a whole table of drinks flying at one of DH's staff Christmas parties, (he was made redundant a couple of weeks later...).

But overall drinking is a joyful experience and one which is best confined to weekends considering the above, and looking forward to it can make the endless exercise and cottage cheese worth it.

So here's to Friday night and the ride to Valhalla....

Day 9 and a view from the rear...

I've been posting this blog on my Facebook page, and many of my readers have commented that I ought to take photos each week to chart my progress. They all stress of course that these are for my eyes only, and should involve wearing just underwear in order to get a good idea of how - if at all - my body is changing.

Yesterday I decided this might be a good idea, since I was in my swimsuit and all ready for the pool anyhow. Handing DH the camera, I instructed him to take the pics - front, back, sides.

Smirking a little, he handed me back the camera, and I sloped off into the kitchen to have a look. I figured they'd be sort of OK, after all I know what I look like from the front - sort of - and it couldn't really be too different from behind, could it?

Reader, I scarcely know how I'm typing this right now, such was the impact of that rear-view shot, and I dare say I'm still in post-traumatic shock. My knees buckled a little and I had to sit down to steady myself. How did I not know? We go through life never really aware of how we appear from behind, don't we? The bottom is a family heirloom, carefully knitted into my genes and handed down from many generations of large-bottomed females before me. In short I looked like 'Bubbles' from Little Britain, and while that might be funny for a bloke in rubber suit on a TV comedy show, for an actual woman who still thinks of herself as desirable, it was a bit of a blow to be honest.

Do you think I'm sexy dahlink?

But this shock has galvanised my pursuit for a smaller me, and I have redoubled my efforts by progressing from Jillian Michaels 30 day shred level one, to level two, a move which on paper doesn't sound like much, but by god it's the difference between a leisurely stroll around the block, and a 24 mile marathon. I almost died yesterday doing it - ALMOST ACTUALLY DIED! - and half expected DH to come home from work to find me face down on the carpet, having collapsed during the plank jacks (a cross between 'the plank' and a jumping jack...yep, you read that right!). But even as the sweat ran floods down my face and my lungs struggled for air, I kept the sight of that Boden swimsuit-clad bottom at the front of my mind, and struggled on regardless.

The good news is, I lost another half a kg today which almost makes up for watching 'Saving Mr Banks' without wine last night. Almost...

Day 8 and a disappointing plateau...

Well I didn't expect to have dropped any more weight, particularly since I got off to such an excellent start last week, so remaining stubbornly at 72kgs is fine, just fine. It doesn't bother me at all. Not at all. Nope. Not. A. Jot.

Oh cruel world! Yes I had wine over the weekend, but I also did my exercises and swam ten lengths on Saturday. I also stuck to my pretty austere diet, so why me God? Why me????

This report from 'The Onion' sums up nicely the despair I feel today...

New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight, No One Has Ever Done It, And Those Who Are Trying Should Give Up

NEWS • Science & Technology • Health • Diet & Weight • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 10, 2013

Researchers say losing weight is scientifically impossible and that this, above, is the result of every single attempt to do so.

Today I feel as lumpen and bloated as a very lumpen bloated thing. Last night I dreamed I was gorging on enormous amounts of cake, for hours on end. I suspect this was my slumbering mind's twist on 'The Wolf of Wall Street', which we watched last night - a disgusting and queasy display of excess and debauchery, which left us shaking our heads and saying, 'what the heck are we doing with our lives - is it too late to become a stockbroker?'

So, I've plateaued and I'm wondering what I can do to push through. Any tips are more than welcome (or indeed any diseased flip-flops - pm me for my address!).

Day 7 and working out with DH

Up til now DH has been looking on at my experiment with wry amusement. He considers my workout to be a bit lightweight and laughs at me as I pant my way through the star-jumps and criticizes my press-ups, which are, to be honest, a little pathetic - nothing can convince either myself or my arms that they are capable of bearing the weight of my entire body.

However, DH is also in need of losing a few pounds, so I invited him to join me in my 20-minutes with Jillian Michaels on Saturday afternoon, reminding him of his growing paunch. Reluctantly he agreed - how hard could it be?

The results were amusing; every time we finished a circuit he would enquire, "are we finished yet?"..."how about now?"..."ah surely by now!" And by the time we reached the final abdominal exercise he was red-faced and hyperventilating, and spent the rest of the afternoon clutching his chest and demanding I take his pulse, certain of an impending heart attack. And now, two days later, he's still shuffling around like a 90-year-old, muttering about how important it is to warm up before exercising.

Certainly the workout is intensive and combines cardio, abdominals and strength over three circuits and is incredibly effective, and you will see results in a matter of days if you stick to it. Here it is below - try it for yourself.

Tomorrow I shall attempt another weigh-in - I'm not expecting to have lost anything over the weekend considering I cheated with wine, but shall face up to it all the same in the morning. For now I'm off to the sofa to read 'They killed our president' by Jesse Ventura, not a particularly active occupation, but one needs down time too...

Day 5 and a slight slip-up...

Look it's not my fault. It was Friday, and I was happy with my progress. And a little couldn't hurt, could it?

OK, I accidentally bought wine.

I accidentally grabbed my purse and keys, went out to the car, drove to Cellarbrations, went in, grabbed a couple of bottles of wine, made small talk with the cashier, handed over my card, inputted my pin, and left under a cloud of my own guilt.

It's got grapes in it!

I didn't say I was perfect, did I? And besides, I don't want to alienate my readership by seamlessly swapping an unhealthy lifestyle for a healthy one with little or no resistance - that's just unrealistic!

After several hours of internal debate in my head, I had reached the conclusion that this drive to lose weight needed to be a balanced one, and deprivation has no place in this equation. Surely expelling mid-week wine is enough? I ate only a little yesterday*, did my Jillian Michaels workout and was generally 'good'.

(And I'm in justification territory now) But I know from experience that if I try to be perfect on every level then I'm in for a spectacular fail sooner or later (my psychologist told me this years ago when I announced I was going to take up tap dance, modern dance and jazz on top of my twice weekly ballet classes. Tentatively he suggested taking up just one to avoid overloading myself and therefore quitting before I'd started - he was right, it lasted a week).

OK, so wine has made it back onto the menu for the weekend - just a little

Right, am off to swim ten lengths to atone for my sins...

*I've been vague about food intake and for all you know I'm eating three Big Mac meals a day (technically impossible, nearest McDonalds is about 16 hours away), so to give you an example, here's what I ate yesterday.

Morning: Coffee

Lunch: Two poached eggs with fresh spinach and a wholemeal pitta bread

Supper: Five or six falafels with tzaziki and five or six cubes of baked halloumi cheese with chilli (am rather partial to a mediteranean/middle eastern diet)

Day 4 and we're on our way!

Good news!

So, dear reader, I bring you very glad tidings indeed. After four days of daily workouts with Jillian Michaels, two twilight swims (10 lengths of the pool), a relinquishment of all alcoholic beverages as well as a slight tightening of permitted food items, I'm proud to tell you I have lost the princely sum of 3kgs.

Breathe in!

It sounds impressive but experience tells me that the first few kgs come and go easily so I won't get too excited about it (although I did of course immediately rush to try on this dress (right), alas to no avail >.)

The key now is to acknowledge the good work done and vow to continue on this path of health, peace and enlightenment. To remain in the zone so to speak.

Of course every fibre of my being is now screaming ''I lost weight, yey hey!' - it's the freakin' weekend baby in Nothingtodoo - sorry, Paraburdoo - let's crack open the vino and bring on the karaoke!!'  (We have to make our own fun in the outback...)

I'm sure there's some middle ground somewhere - I dunno, like Karaoke without wine? - but really, karaoke without wine is a little like childbirth without an epidural- not really fun to begin with, but without it, no fun at all. Nobody wants to sing 'Someone like you' unless they truly believe they can sing it as well as, if not BETTER than, Adele, and that can only happen if there's wine involved.

Diet

Anyway, today I want to talk a little bit about diet. I know I've stated previously that I'm keen to keep the focus off food and onto exercise and clean living, but I want to add a few words on the subject.

In my humble opinion, a weight-loss regime based around food is doomed before it starts because you spend your whole time thinking about, planning, and working out calories for - your next meal. I say, eat when you're hungry - within reason, rather than eat because it's 1.30 pm and your diet tells you it's time for half a cup of mung beans an an oz of cheese. This is simply a recipe for disaster and is likely to result in you frantically stuffing yourself with Rolos by 5 pm. And then you're back to square one, but then of course the diet industry are banking on that, aren't they, as they remind you gently - you need our help.

I'm with Joanna Lumley on this one when she told a reporter that she usually skipped breakfast because she wasn't hungry in the morning, saying, 'Why wake Annie Appetite before you need to?' So often we're told 'always eat breakfast, most important meal of the day', when in fact I find if I make breakfast a priority I'm thinking about lunch immediately afterwards and then the entire day revolves around my next meal.

On most days all I require for the first two or three hours of the day is coffee, coffee and more coffee, so why force the food issue?*

*Clearly I'm not advocating this as a healthy lifestyle just commenting that I find this approach more useful to me than the accepted 'three meals a day at allotted times' or the even more preachy 'six small meals a day' as if we're cattle and can't go twenty minutes without sitting down to some carefully measured out lettuce with a teaspoon of mayonnaise...or whatever. This turns the entire day into one big food-obsessed endurance test.

Day 3, women are from Venus...

We women are funny creatures, aren't we? So much of our identities and self-worth are bound up in our weight and appearance. As Naomi Wolf observes in 'The Beauty Myth', most women would rather lose 10 - 15lbs above any other achievement in work or love. Imagine that?

It gets worse, I read somewhere (can't find it now), that in a study among women, many admitted to envying friends suffering from stomach flu since it meant certain weight loss. I don't know about you, but from my limited experience of this (iron constitution sadly), a severe flu or stomach bug is a sure-fire way to ensure maximum weight loss with minimum input, and as the bile rises so does the muted glee that you will emerge from this hell several pounds lighter.

In fact one woman I know confided that her friend - on returning from a trip around India and keen to lose some weight - licked her flip-flop in the hope of getting some sort of stomach bug. She got more than she bargained for with a nasty bout of amoebic dysentery. She did lose weight though so, you know, every cloud and all that...

When my mother's sister was dying a slow, painful death from lung cancer, my mother could scarcely contain the admiration from her voice as she whispered, 'I know she's ill, but she's lost two stone you know!'

Is there any hope for us as a gender?

Well, as Caitlin Moran asks in her brilliant feminist manifesto, 'How to be a woman', the important question is: 'Are the men doing it? Are the men worrying about this as well? Is this taking up the men's time?'

And I'm going to answer this question visually by asking another question: Would a man feel compelled to wear this highly elastic torture device under his clothing on a night out? I think we all know the answer to this.

Sexy lingerie anyone?

So we're on day three and I'm concentrating on just 'being' and not obsessing about the end result. Yesterday I managed my 20-minute workout with Jillian Michaels quite effectively, despite the three-year-old's repeated attempts to ram into my head in the plastic car he got for Christmas, while I was on the floor doing the stomach crunches. I try to tell myself that his interference only adds to the challenge.

And last night we went to the town pool for a twilight swim which was lovely. At a time in the evening when I'd normally be filling my first beady glass of cold Sauvignon Blanc, I was swimming the backstroke up and down the pool, staring up at the moon, wondering if those landings really did take place, and feeling grateful for my life.

Oh god, keep me away from Facebook!

Note: And by the way, I see the hypocrisy of banging about women and diets while writing what is essentially a diet blog (although I prefer the word 'fitness') but isn't that the point? We can be intelligent, rational feminists but still struggle to extricate ourselves from the female body issue because it's part of our culture, no matter how irrational we know it is.

This sums it up nicely.

Day 2 and feeling virtuous but, well, a bit disappointed really...

One problem with any health kick I embark on is my tendency to congratulate myself too early on in the process, believing that I will never eat too much, drink too much or be lazy ever EVER again. Sometimes I reach this conclusion after just a day or two, even when any physical evidence of such virtuosity is entirely absent.

This way of thinking can be a stumbling block and the key is to keep your eye on the goal, not get bogged down with day to day weigh-ins, however hard they are to resist. And if your long term goal is to fit into your size 12 jeans, then for goodness sake don't try them on after just one day - it will only lead to despair. Easier said than done of course - I've already attempted to wrestle myself into my new red party dress which, to date, has never fitted.

And so, predictably I woke this morning fully convinced that when I ran my hand over my stomach it would be flat, smooth and bikini-ready. This was with good reasoning - I had after all done a 20-minute work out yesterday afternoon and then gone for a long, sweaty walk with DH in the evening. Not a drop of Sauvignon Blanc had crossed my lips and I was in bed with my new book '911: The New Pearl Harbor' before 10 pm. I felt positively virginal.

However, the reality was less reassuring - my hand was met with what could only be described as blancmange rather than the ironing board I had anticipated - and I had to remind myself that one day of being healthy wasn't going to transform me into a Gwyneth look-a-like over night.

This is a bit like the day after you give birth for the first time. I recall with clarity, in the moments following the birth of the 12-year-old, feeling empty and light for the first time in nine months - I was alone in my body again. 'I'm back to normal!' I yelled inwardly as I stared down at this remarkable creature I had just made.

Hours later, as I shakily disrobed in the hospital bathroom for my first post-natal shower, I studied my new, empty body in the bathroom mirror and was horrified to see that it showed little evidence of having given birth at all! It still bore all the signs of a women advancing into her sixth month of pregnancy. All those hours of agony and all I had to show for it was a new human girl! Oh cruel world!

Anyway, this woman below gives me enormous hope about what can be achieved. Clare Nasir is a British weather girl who embarked on an exercise and diet regime back in 2011 to lose the baby-weight. The results speak for themselves, and yes, she was over 40! I think the publication of the 'before' picture (which is inexplicably on the right side) helped push her to her limits.

Sometimes I pull up these photos on the laptop just to remind myself of what is possible - she really is an inspiration although I have no such hopes of reaching such tiny proportions; 'not fat' would do.

Day 1, does my bum look big in this?

Yes, it's happened, I've started a diet blog. God, how predictably depressing. However, I've been complaining loudly about my weight for almost two years now, and I've decided that public shaming is the only solution. So here goes..

Any woman reading this who has recently been unceremoniously tipped over into her 40s, knows how difficult it has suddenly become to drop the weight. Basically it comes down to this: Yes we still have the ability to lose weight, but tragically we'll have to work twice as hard to achieve it.

This is very bad news indeed because at this stage we're a bit, well, knackered.

Of course one can't underestimate the impact that slight behavioural changes can have on one's weight, changes which you might not even consciously be aware of until you examine the evidence.

Exhibit A: Alcohol

For example, before I lived in Australia I wouldn't dream of opening a bottle of wine before nine o'clock in the evening. Making dinner, getting kids into bed, a half-hearted stab at tidying up, followed by half an hour alone in the bath, meant the opportunity simply didn't present itself until then. However here I find I'm regularly popping the cork at 7pm - particularly since we moved to Paraburdoo - it is the Aussie way after all and I'm nothing if not devoted to rich cultural experiences.

However, this constitutes two whole extra hours of drinking and I'm convinced this is central to my weight gain.

Exhibit B: Exercise

A quick scan over the last couple of decades indicates very clearly that during those times when I've made a conscious effort to be active - whether it be dance or yoga or whatever - I've been slimmer (even if I've convinced myself at the time that I'm just naturally slim - I'm not). In fact I don't even need to go back that far - several weeks ago I lost more than 4kgs by doing a 20-minute workout with Jillian Michaels on YouTube every day (I put it all back on in December). Exercise, as dull and hopeless as it feels, does actually work. This is a hard fact to swallow for those of us who'd rather be reading a book.

Diet

Oddly enough, this is the least problematic area for me. Ironically a 14-year battle with chronic bulimia left me with a good attitude towards food and I consider my diet pretty healthy with little in the way of junk in it. I must admit to pining after my old ability to devote my entire life to looking good; five children, an out-of-control-laundry room and a bit of continent-hopping have sort of shifted my focus over the past decade or so.

(By the way, it annoys me the way the experts insist that one never fully recovers from an eating disorder but merely learns to cope with it. For the record this is rubbish and unhelpful to recovery. Trust me, if it were true I wouldn't be writing this blog. Today I'm as normal as the next woman looking to lose a few pounds.)

Solution

So, what to do? Well the evidence is clear in this case. I need to reduce my alcohol intake and stick to a workout each day. It's not rocket science really, is it, and yet for so many of us it is an unending struggle.

Trouble is, like Ado Annie in the musical Oklahoma, "with me it's all or nuthin'".

On 'good' days I exercise, stay away from alcohol, write thousands of words, feel virtuous and happy and verge on posting 'I LOVE my life on Facebook' (I stop myself; I know how annoying it is to read one of these posts when you're feeling like your life is shit, your kids are lazy and talentless, you don't fancy your husband anymore and you've tipped 40 and have no career - THINK people, before you post!).

When I'm being 'bad' I fall into an 'in for a penny in for a pound' attitude and over-drink, over-eat and spend all day slumped in front of ebay or watching endless episodes of Jesse Ventura's Conspiracy Theory on YouTube.

Trouble is lately the 'bad' days are outnumbering the 'good' days at an alarming rate, and at this point I'm now roughly 10kgs overweight and believe the American government are going to poison us all through the water system before disposing of us in Area 51 - right beside where the moon landings were filmed.

Yes, things are getting serious.

Free on YouTube!

So the plan is this: I'm cutting out alcohol for a month - yes, a month, at least - this in itself should have a big impact on my weight. I have no idea what the weekends will look like without booze, but I'm determined to give it a try (and DH will be roped into it whether he likes it or not, I'm not willing to watch him slugging Shiraz while I sip hot water and lemon!).

And as for exercise, I'm re-enlisting the help of Jillian Michael's '30 day shred', and intend to do her 20-minute-workout at least once a day. In the evenings DH will be roped into joining me in a brisk walk, trying our best to dodge all the cows - and cow pats! - that roam free around the town.

As for diet, well as I said it's not a huge issue, although I decided to return to being vegetarian, something I stopped being in my 20s when it stopped being remarkable and became common place (I think I was rather missing the point). Animal cruelty issues aside, I find that meat leaves me with indigestion these days and considering how much else is on offer, it seems rather superfluous to my needs.

See here's to day 1 of a newer, healthier, shinier me. I shall try to update this blog every few days as a way of  recording progress as well as reporting on anything interesting I come across. And if you're doing something similar, let me know about it.

The  75kg reality